Why Am I Always Surprised That I Am Not Stronger Than God?

How can I write about truth and freedom and living in God's power and then struggle so desperately? I just spent the last four days (Thanksgiving weekend) struggling and carrying more food around in my belly than I am accustomed. The old me would just say that during the holidays it is expected to stuff myself. The new me didn't bat an eyelash at the upcoming festivities as I was filled with confidence that the holidays wouldn't be any different than any other day. I was confident in God's truth, I was confident in my willingness to believe God's truth, and I was confident in my own self control. There is a verse that is smacking me around right now, 1 Corinthians 10: 12-14 "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation as seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry." I have read that verse dozens of times, and I hadn't truly read the words that I wrote in bold. When did God tack on the idolatry statement after fleeing temptation? As my eyes have been opened to my idolatry, I am taken aback by how often God is at war with it. To date, whenever I read that word I thought about golden calves and ornate pagan alters. Now, I see macaroni and cheese and Doritos; most recently I see snicker-apple salad and malt balls. As I roamed the kitchen, laden with the usual holiday goodies I did swing my sword and ask myself, "What lies are you believing right now, Erin, that is making you desire this food so much?"  I didn't spend any time trying to answer that question, and really, I had put it from my mind before I was done asking it.  I arrived at the holiday dinner confident in myself and therefore neglected to put on the Armor of God. Apparently, walls were already up and ear plugs were already in. Throughout the dinner, I had been keeping my head above water, eating only a small serving but my stomach filled up way before I wanted to be done. In a small show of gusto, I went to my husband and told him, "I'm done. My belly is full. If I eat any more it is because I am bowing down to the idol of food." I walked from the room about to throw my plate away and saw that there was still a dollop of snicker-apple salad left. And I ate it. In that minute, the only thing I could think about was that salad. It felt torturous to throw it away. It didn't seem sinful to eat it. It was just one bite. But the truth is that I was made for more than feeling defenseless against yummy food. Romans 8:11 "The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you..." 
 Now I am home and pulling forth the courage and energy to face my God; feeling like I've been down this path more times that I can count and can't I just skip it this time? But if I want to continue this awesome journey with Him, I know that I need to 'fess up. So, as I am on my knees I reminded God of the aforementioned verse in Ephesions (he remembered it), and he gently but firmly opened my eyes to the first part of that verse, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" And with that I felt him saying, "Erin, darling, this holiday weekend is not the climax of the sin you need to be apologizing for. It's just the repercussions of the sin preceding it." And I realized that I had been silently "struggling" for a month now, putting more and more faith in myself and my own control over food with less faith and submission to God. My real sin was priding myself on "my power" over food and that holiday weekend proved that I am not strong enough to overcome the song that food sings to me.
I have been eating a little more than I should regularly. Again, eating food isn't a problem, but the reason I'm eating that food is because I just can't seem to help myself, or I just can't resist that last bite, or I just want a quick taste. I'm putting post cards up in my kitchen today saying, "If you're stomach isn't growling, that bite isn't going into your mouth. If that isn't a part of the serving you should have, it isn't going into your mouth. If you can't say 'No' to that food, then it has control over you and you are enslaved to it." 
I am feeling very humbled today, as I think about all the freedom I've been writing about and here I am, once again wanting to sift through my cupboards to find solace instead of dancing with the joy that God offers to me daily. 
Here are a few verses that comfort me, as Lysa says, "We serve a compassionate God. A God who knew food would be a major stumbling block" (63) and he gave us the Bible filled with understanding:

• Philippians 3:18 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach...
• Psalm 81:9-10 "You must never have a foreign god; you must not bow down before a false god. For it was I, the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things."
• Galations 4:8 "Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to so-called gods that do not even exist"

Please email me as you take your journey and I pray that God will revolutionize our hearts together.
erinconfesses@yahoo.com