The Blood and Guts of the Fight

Scenario: Family get together at the cabin. The goals of the weekend are to relax, have fun, and enjoy each other's company. I don’t attend the McDowell family get together just for the food, but it is something I always look forward to. My sister-in-law always has a mouthwatering dish for each meal, and she invited me into the world of a perfectly made chocolate chip cookie. We all pile around a couple of dining room tables and enjoy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with lots of laughter and conversation. I can always look forward to the hearty meals and delicious desserts (along with great company) at those family gatherings. And I always take the weekend “off” for any dieting. So while we are heading to the cabin just a few weeks into my new eating philosophies, I was wondering about my Food Plan. Surely I don’t have to obey the rule about no cookies; and it would be so rude to not eat according to the meal schedule with everyone else. It seems perfectly acceptable to not worry about what is going in my mouth on such a special weekend.
I had a long talk with my mom before traveling. To fully prepare and equip me for battle, we had to identify the lies we often believe about food: Food makes things more fun. Food makes me happy. Eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want perfectly natural during a weekend with family.

We replaced them with the truths we’ve been discovering: Food does not equal fun: it can, and often does, make me fat and sick. Food does not make me happy: socializing makes me happy and food can, and often does, make me feel guilty and depressed. Eating whatever I want, in whatever quantity I want it is a fleshly indulgence,it is letting food rule my decisions and actions, replacing God.

I am so thankful to my family for not making that weekend more difficult than it needed to be. They encouraged me as I sat at the dinner table with an empty plate, just waiting and waiting for my stomach to growl so I could join in. They didn’t offer or push any NO-NO foods on me (though I knew exactly where they were on the counter top nearly the whole weekend). They were a major stepping stone in helping me break free of my slavery to food in any and every event. But it was still a very private, hard battle.

I can’t tell you the rest of the weekend without telling you about the song I need to sing nearly all of the time as my main weapon of defense. It is Trading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans. Nearly every word gives me strength: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KsfwvpcQhY

I’m trading my sorrows (over being overweight, and not fitting into my clothing)
I’m trading my shame (of how I look in shorts and a bathing suit)
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness (after eating too much)
I’m trading my pain (after eating too much)
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord

And I say, Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord (I will obey you, the system you made for my body to eat healthily)
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes, Lord (I will obey your command that I have no other gods before you)
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes, Lord, Amen. (No more argument, no more fighting, I will walk away.)

I am pressed, but not crushed, (this is really hard!)
Persecuted, not abandoned, (really, really hard!!)
Struck down, but not destroyed. (I totally just licked the batter)
I am blessed beyond this curse, his promises endure, (I’m sorry. You have made me stronger than this, I can do this with you)
His joy will be my strength (The peace and joy you offer is a much better return that getting seconds of lasagna)

And I say, Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord, (I will obey you, the system you made for my body to eat healthily)
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes, Lord(I will obey you command that I have no other gods before you)
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes, Lord, Amen. (No more argument, not more fighting, I will walk away.)

At one point I was standing in the kitchen at the counter, looking at three different kinds of cookies. Silently I sang this song three times. Yes, three. I ended up sighing heavily and walking outside with my two year old where I could sing that song out loud.

Whenever a specific food calls my name I sing the chorus to myself (“Yes, Lord; yes, Lord; yes, yes, Lord”). If I am still itching to put one more scoop on my plate past my serving size I sing the entire song- over and over until I walk away in victory. The bridge to that song makes me cry, and it is simply "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la,la la" but as I'm turning my back on the food that it outside of my plan I sing that part loudly and victorious.

I sang that song a lot that weekend. But the entire experience was so eye-opening to me; I can enjoy the weekend just as much, if not more, without the food. That thought boggles my mind every day. It's such a foreign concept. It's such a FREEING TRUTH.

Please email me as you take your journey and I pray that God will revolutionize our hearts together.
erinconfesses@yahoo.com